I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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