After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
