dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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