i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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