i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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