haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
