There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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