So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
