So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
