matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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