Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
