I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
