Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
