Christians are straight up FREAKS
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
