At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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