how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize