you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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