yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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