The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
