it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
