went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
