you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
nutella sex= disaster
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
