It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
