he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
