You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
