please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
