he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
