break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize