That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
