Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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