Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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