Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
