My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
