Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
