i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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