but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
