If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
