i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
