There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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