I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
