peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
