I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
