Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
