white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
