P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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