apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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