peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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