a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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