Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
