i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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