There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
