Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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