In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
