this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
