I cockslap morals
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
