woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
