Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
