She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
