You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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