I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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