Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
please don't ironically join a cult
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